Apr
02

Stoner Street Sushi

“Half-baked is one if not the greatest Stoner movies of all time and we believe this category is best summed up by the great, talented, and verbose Jon Stewart.
Enhancement Smoker (Jon Stewart): ‘Did you ever see Scent of a Woman?’
Scarface: ‘Yup.’
Enhancement Smoker: ‘You ever seen Scent of a Woman… on weed? That’s the way to see it. It’s just wacked.’
This category attempts to capture the Enhancement essence, not necessarily ratings or anything like that, but movies, shows, or videos… well… high.”
——> Got suggestions for movies or shows? E-mail Dignan

Stoner Sushi

With medical marijuana and legalization on the rise throughout the United States, several projects have started media campaigns aimed at encouraging people in the public sphere to join the controlled regulation of cannabis. While there have been many other public service announcements concerning cannabis, such as The Flower PSA covered earlier, they do not directly advocate marijuana usage or they are not broadcasted on a larger scale than public access. However, the first significant marijuana commercial to be launched on a major network comes from MarijuanaDoctors.com in the video below.

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Mar
28

Cool Caving

“This category is about something that everyone is doing… we are doing it, you are doing it, everyone is making their own Stoner Schematics. Wait! You might be asking yourself, what in the hell is this… Stoner Schematic? Well I am glad that you subconsciously reached into your head and spat out a question such as this for us. Stoner Schematics are Stoner’s (‘hence the name’) Schematics (blueprints, instructions, whatever your vernacular…). It is what the Stoner creates, be it cannabutter, some crazy rolling technique, or even just a great way to blow smoke… that is a Stoner Schematic.” ——–> Got suggestions for schematics? E-mail Dignan

hey hey hey hey Chappelle
smoke weed everyday Chappelle

While the weather is still frigid with snow occasionally falling from time to time, instead of “hot boxing” try this new fad, which shall be dubbed “cool caving.” Rather than hopping into a car, tent, or closet to fill the tight and enclosed space from wall to wall with thick marijuana smoke from a blunt or joint, Stoners from all around the colder sections of the globe flip the age-old activity by digging small, Stoner, snow caves, some more intricate than others, within embankments of accumulated snow. In fact, I first heard of this invention on February 11, 2014, when a group of students, from Saginaw Valley State University in Michigan, were caught smoking cannabis within the confines of an extensive snow cave by a local police officer. In that situation, they basically lead the officer there by looking suspicious and mysteriously disappearing behind a snow bank; however, if they had not made this mistake, it would have been a legitimate setup.

Cool Caving2

Not only does the snow cave offer a discrete and unexposed area to partake in a daily session, but it is cold, keeping snacks and beverages for munchies at the perfect temperature. Moreover, by cool caving, you can dictate the size of the smoking chamber using your own discretion. If you want a capacious powwow style room for multiple people, then increase the diameter of the sphere, but if you are looking for a more intimate location, keep it small, yet secure. For example, the person in the picture above is actually inside a larger room within a snow cave, not the outside as it may seem, while the person pictured below is closer to the threshold of what amounts to about 15 to 20 feet worth of snow cave. To obtain the maximum amount of smoke per square meter build your snow cave at an upward angle, this way smoke does not roll out, thus attracting curious passerbys. In addition, conceal the entryway in some way to keep people from randomly sticking their head into your serious business. The last thing you need is an uninvited guest like the guys in the story above. Maybe make an artificial layer of snow at the entrance or cover it with some leaves or sticks to avoid arousing suspicion. Lastly, be careful. You are making tunnels out of, what seems like, harmless snow, but people have been buried underneath avalanches never to be seen again. Therefore, be sure to make your snow cave sturdy before you pile people in for a sesh.

Cool Caving

Go ahead! If you live in a cold region, go outside, create your own snow caves, and you will be cool caving in no time. If you make a snow cave or have made one in the past, send your pictures to Stoner Schematics and we will host them on the website alongside the others.

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Mar
23

Vin “Sour” Diesel

“It is a widely accepted fact that cannabis (…and other great hallucinogens) have been linked numerous times to allowing people everywhere; from writers, to artists, and even amongst the most advent doodlers as being a smooth gateway to better and more insightful pieces of art. So take your brush of choice and blow some minds… this is Stoner Art.” ——–> Are you an artist? If so, send your pieces to Dignan

Vin Sour Diesel

After strolling up to the local gas station and procuring a couple of White Owl Cigarillos, one of my personal favorites when it comes to wraps, my friends and I proceeded to gut the cigars with a knife and replace the contents with cannabis. However, we first needed an expansive rolling surface, as emptying out a wrap can be messy, not to mention you do not want to lose any stray ganja during the replacement process. Recently, I had been ironically gifted a painting of Vin Diesel, so I figured it would make an appropriate assemblage. Upon slicing open the Cigarillo and dumping the innards upon the portrait, immediately, I was struck by the similarity of the tobacco to hair. Miraculously, a mundane visage of Vin Diesel magically transformed into a large-scale game of Wooly Willy, the children’s game that allows you to manipulate metal shavings resembling hair with a magnetic wand to create various combinations. While to some it may seem like a gimmick, this activity lead to at least 20 minutes of hilarious amusement, as we changed his facial hair and style continuously. Below are some examples of our fuzzy face frenzy. In short, this game shall be dubbed Vin “Sour” Diesel to commemorate the discovery in the context of rolling a blunt. Grab some paintings or photographs from your house and utilize your blunt guts or ganja to make your own funny photos, then send them to Stoner Schematics and we will host them alongside these Vin “Sour” Diesel pictures.

The Druglord

Vin Sour Diesel hair and mustache

Groucho Marx

Vin Sour Diesel eyebrows and mustache

Galifianakis Style

Vin Sour Diesel beard

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Mar
19

Old Man Been Smoking Weed Since 1936

“Why make a category for everything? The world lives on the brink of destruction, people are as apathetic as ever, and chronological whimsical forms of the structure are the things that are keeping us down. Fuck the system, Fuck the structure, and BY GOD here at Stoner Schematics we say FUCK Categories (…sometimes).”

Brett Froomer 98 year old man smoking weed

In the short film below called, “A Stoner’s Life” by Brett Froomer in 2011, a 98-year-old man says he has been smoking weed since 1936. In fact, he titles himself the “oldest pot smoker in America.” Am I surprised to see another old person who smokes marijuana habitually? No. Even Tommy Chong at the ripe old age of 75 continues to thrive despite his diagnosis of prostate cancer in 2012, which he addressed with an effective hemp oil treatment. If all of those archaic smear campaigns had any validity, he would have croaked long ago. Cannabis is good for arthritis, it keeps the mood light, and it rejuvenates mundane experiences. Trust me, if I make it to the age of 98, I am going to need a bowl to put up with life’s monotony. However, there are a few downsides for septuagenarians and above, as marijuana tends to increase heart rate and blood pressure, making some seniors susceptible to heart attacks. Before Jack Herer’s death in 2010 at the age of 70, he experienced multiple heart attacks, and one cannot dismiss the fact that marijuana might have been related in his heart complications. Although, people are multifarious beings, so there could have been a number of heterogeneous factors at play in his situation. In addition, the pharmaceutical industry corrals older people with piles of prescriptions, so the effect of marijuana on those drugs could be drawn into question as well. Personally, I find daily pill regimens to be abhorred, but we sadly live in a society that frowns upon natural holistic remedies and healthy living habits.

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Mar
17

Cannabis and Beer – A Joint Effort

“After a smoking session, the Stoner becomes susceptible to an insatiable desire, a carnivorous wave of necessity for sustenance known as the munchies. Whether it is cereal, Funyuns, Nutella, brownies, or ice cream, any food item, nestled in the fridge or cabinet, can fall a vulnerable victim to marijuana induced munchies. This category will offer some new tastes before they are all eaten.” ——–> E-mail Dignan your favorite munchies.

red hook joint effort beer

On Saint Patrick’s Day, people celebrate by gorging themselves upon copious amounts of dyed-green bar beer until they are groggy with inebriation. Usually, I tend to settle down with a different type of green from the same taxonomic family, but this St. Patrick’s Day is special due to the introduction of Joint Effort, a brand new ale brewed with hemp seeds. Created by a joint effort between Redhook Breweries and Hilliard’s Beer, respectively based out of the legalized cities of Woodinville and Seattle, Washington, Joint Effort offers a dank and earthy craft beer aimed specifically at connoisseurs of both cannabis and beer. Prior to now, beer has been utilized as a palate cleanser, food compliment, and a contrast to taste for meats, desserts, and cheeses, but Redhook introduces the capability of marrying the multifarious piquant flavors of cannabis with the bitter body of a delicious beer with Joint Effort. Yesterday, a frosty Becks and a bowl was good enough, but now the bar has been set at a higher standard.

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