“Why make a category for everything? The world lives on the brink of destruction, people are as apathetic as ever, and chronological whimsical forms of the structure are the things that are keeping us down. Fuck the system, Fuck the structure, and BY GOD here at Stoner Schematics we say FUCK Categories (…sometimes).”

This video has been removed by NBC and Hulu, we will get it back up as soon as possible.
Every February 14th seems to bring the same monotonous Valentine’s Day regularities such as last-minute chocolates, a smorgasbord of random cheap flowers, some 2-bit mushy non-plot-driven movie, or a forced romantic dinner amongst a crowd of raving “lovers” braying about mediocrity. In the video above entitled, “Some Dumb Little Thing From CVS,” SNL spoofs Valentine’s Day by spearheading some of the selective treasures found at CVS including Mylar singing balloons, Ninja Turtles’ chocolates (though I do love the Turtles…), and bumblebee bears with the tags “bee mine.” Therefore, Stoners should lead the way in recapturing the meaningful mood and essence of Valentine’s Day by injecting the best dioecious flower around, marijuana.

weed bouquet

We do not need to succumb to the corporatization of romance by yielding to incessant restaurant campaigns and purchasing expectations. Rather, consider replacing these trivial gifts with cannabis, something natural, organic, uplifting, and metaphorically attached to the renewing nature of being with someone you love. Appropriate for either a guy or a girl, the gift of ganja is one that can be shared with everyone alike. Keep the chocolates for after you are high, but replace the box with nugs instead of truffles. Want to have a elegant dinner? Just add some cannabutter into the recipe for grilled salmon or consider hash oil as your frying implement for searing scallops.

pot morsels

Why not remove the roses and replace them with a fantastic weed bouquet? Personally, I would love to be awarded a bouquet of pot, regardless of the fact that I am a guy. I just need to be coaxed with the right kind of bouquet that is all. In fact, the television series Weeds understood the allure of such a gesture, as they wrapped up large stalks of hemp plants into a paper container resembling a joint and sent them as flower grams to various media agencies and press offices to advertise the show.

weeds bouquet

Let’s enter into a new type of holidaze and create a tradition that will make us forget the other ruthlessly bland Valentine’s Days. With cannabis, we can create a new feeling and augment the mood of the holiday. Rather than being tied to consumption, Valentine’s Day should instead be about taking a moment to recognize your significant other for their uniqueness, to profess why you love that person in the first place, and to enjoy the fact that each of you have found one another in this massive, chaotic, and discombobulating world. There are people who are born into this life, but never experience a true romantically and intellectually engaged relationship. If you have someone, you are fortunate. If you do not, today is the first day of the rest of your life. Find someone, hold them close, and hang on to every breath they take, because in the blink of an eye they may be gone. In short, seize the day out of your own volition, and whether you are in a relationship or not, do not be coerced to act out a pantomime that mimics an already exhausted routine. Be original, be yourself, do not “bee mine.”

the best girlfriend
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