Feb
14

A High Valentine’s Day

"Why make a category for everything? The world lives on the brink of destruction, people are as apathetic as ever, and chronological whimsical forms of the structure are the things that are keeping us down. Fuck the system, Fuck the structure, and BY GOD here at Stoner Schematics we say FUCK Categories (...sometimes)."
This video has been removed by NBC and Hulu, we will get it back up as soon as possible. Every February 14th seems to bring the same monotonous Valentine's Day regularities such as last-minute chocolates, a smorgasbord of random cheap flowers, some 2-bit mushy non-plot-driven movie, or a forced romantic dinner amongst a crowd of raving "lovers" braying about mediocrity. In the video above entitled, "Some Dumb Little Thing From CVS," SNL spoofs Valentine's Day by spearheading some of the selective treasures found at CVS including Mylar singing balloons, Ninja Turtles' chocolates (though I do love the Turtles...), and bumblebee bears with the tags "bee mine." Therefore, Stoners should lead the way in recapturing the meaningful mood and essence of Valentine's Day by injecting the best dioecious flower around, marijuana.

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Feb
12

Grandpa Smoking Weed

"Why make a category for everything? The world lives on the brink of destruction, people are as apathetic as ever, and chronological whimsical forms of the structure are the things that are keeping us down. Fuck the system, Fuck the structure, and BY GOD here at Stoner Schematics we say FUCK Categories (...sometimes)."
Above is a snippet from season 1, episode 4 of Weed Wars, a series shown on the Discovery Channel between December 1st and December 22nd of 2011. In the video, Larry Savage, a recently retired Californian at the age of 65, attempts to use medicinal marijuana for the first time as a replacement for his host of pharmaceutical medicines for back pain, anxiety, rage, depression, and high blood pressure. As a typical retired American, Larry has two kids, four grand kids, and has been married for over 41 years; but, he turned to cannabis as an escape from mediocrity, as a rabbit hole to explore the world through the tunnels of a new perspective. While it takes him a bit to get a hang of lighting a bowl for the first time, somewhat like the opening scene in Planet of the Apes, he certainly begins to understand the benefits associated with smoking marijuana when it hits him. Fittingly, Larry finishes the interview by saying, "You're in a cast iron suit and now you've got to break out." Hopefully, we can all draw on Larry's words, which seem to sum up our own struggles with the Looking Glass self.
what to do when you are not stoned

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Feb
10

Favorite Smoking Method

"Why make a category for everything? The world lives on the brink of destruction, people are as apathetic as ever, and chronological whimsical forms of the structure are the things that are keeping us down. Fuck the system, Fuck the structure, and BY GOD here at Stoner Schematics we say FUCK Categories (...sometimes)."

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Jun
29

Resin Hits

"Why make a category for everything? The world lives on the brink of destruction, people are as apathetic as ever, and chronological whimsical forms of the structure are the things that are keeping us down. Fuck the system, Fuck the structure, and BY GOD here at Stoner Schematics we say FUCK Categories (...sometimes)."
far out smoke rings
Have you ever been without bud, scrounging for some slight hint of skunk in a baggie that is clearly empty? I have, but usually we resort to piling up our pieces, cleaning them out, and (whether it is healthy or not) scorching resin hits. It is not the smoothest, it takes a shit ton of effort to gather, and it burns quickly with a marginal high. In my opinion, resin is the tool of the necessitous Stoner. I bring this reference because I find this website to be in a situation that I would consider to be reflective of Resin Hits. Pistachio is no longer a regular writer for us, and recently my computer's motherboard stopped functioning (it is broken). So what am I to do? Should I just pack up and quit? No. I am going to regather all of the resin that I have, clean up the innards of the fragile glass piece that is Stoner Schematics, and then I will be packing up the largest selection of ganja from my most secretive stash. In short, give me a moment, I need to re-up.
vibrant bud

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May
11

A Hemp Diet

"Why make a category for everything? The world lives on the brink of destruction, people are as apathetic as ever, and chronological whimsical forms of the structure are the things that are keeping us down. Fuck the system, Fuck the structure, and BY GOD here at Stoner Schematics we say FUCK Categories (...sometimes)."
hemp seeds

Besides used for medicinal purposes, the cannabis plant can also be a basis for a healthy diet among many other things. For instance, hemp seeds contain essential amino acids and fatty acids necessary for a healthy diet. About a third of the weight of the seed is made up of oil, and most of that oil is the healthy variety: ALA (alpha-linoleic acid, a type of Omega-3 fat) and linoleic acid. Seeds can be consumed raw, ground up, made into milk/tea, or can be used in baking. People all around the globe incorporate hemp products in a number of their daily diets, and have many different recipes for preparing them.
hemp milk

Here in the U.S., hemp seeds can be imported but not grown due to the illegalization of all things cannabis. Still, as awareness of hemp reaches out to the broader American market, more and more hemp products are appearing in local grocery stores. For instance, Living Harvest offers hemp milk, oil, non-dairy frozen deserts, and even ice cream bars. They even offer several flavors of milk, providing more choices for those of us who are lactose intolerant. Their costs for the milk are $4.24 for a single 32 oz., or $46.55 for a twelve pack.
hemp granola

To go along with that tasty hemp milk, you could also pick up some nutritious hemp granola from Nature's Path Organic. Their batch of granola includes: "A crunchy, combination of toasted oats, rice crisps, and nutritionally rich hemp seeds that add omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids, as well as extra protein and fiber. A good source of dietary fiber with 4 grams per serving." You can pick up an 11.5 oz. box of their granola for $4.59 or a twelve pack for $50.08.

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