Mar
19

Old Man Been Smoking Weed Since 1936

"Why make a category for everything? The world lives on the brink of destruction, people are as apathetic as ever, and chronological whimsical forms of the structure are the things that are keeping us down. Fuck the system, Fuck the structure, and BY GOD here at Stoner Schematics we say FUCK Categories (...sometimes)."
Brett Froomer 98 year old man smoking weed
In the short film below called, "A Stoner's Life" by Brett Froomer in 2011, a 98-year-old man says he has been smoking weed since 1936. In fact, he titles himself the "oldest pot smoker in America." Am I surprised to see another old person who smokes marijuana habitually? No. Even Tommy Chong at the ripe old age of 75 continues to thrive despite his diagnosis of prostate cancer in 2012, which he addressed with an effective hemp oil treatment. If all of those archaic smear campaigns had any validity, he would have croaked long ago. Cannabis is good for arthritis, it keeps the mood light, and it rejuvenates mundane experiences. Trust me, if I make it to the age of 98, I am going to need a bowl to put up with life's monotony. However, there are a few downsides for septuagenarians and above, as marijuana tends to increase heart rate and blood pressure, making some seniors susceptible to heart attacks. Before Jack Herer's death in 2010 at the age of 70, he experienced multiple heart attacks, and one cannot dismiss the fact that marijuana might have been related in his heart complications. Although, people are multifarious beings, so there could have been a number of heterogeneous factors at play in his situation. In addition, the pharmaceutical industry corrals older people with piles of prescriptions, so the effect of marijuana on those drugs could be drawn into question as well. Personally, I find daily pill regimens to be abhorred, but we sadly live in a society that frowns upon natural holistic remedies and healthy living habits.

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Mar
10

The Carb Roach Holder

"This category is about something that everyone is doing... we are doing it, you are doing it, everyone is making their own Stoner Schematics. Wait! You might be asking yourself, what in the hell is this... Stoner Schematic? Well I am glad that you subconsciously reached into your head and spat out a question such as this for us. Stoner Schematics are Stoner's ('hence the name') Schematics (blueprints, instructions, whatever your vernacular...). It is what the Stoner creates, be it cannabutter, some crazy rolling technique, or even just a great way to blow smoke... that is a Stoner Schematic." --------> Got suggestions for schematics? E-mail Dignan
bowl roach clip
Next time you are at the end of your joint and there are no reliable roach clips in sight, try this trick to create a makeshift roach holder out of the carburetor on your favorite bowl. First, check the amount left in the joint to verify if it is at the point that passing it around will result in someone burning their fingertips. Generally, one to two inches is a suitable length for a roach, but it really depends on the size of the original joint or blunt. Personally, I prefer to utilize rolling tips, when I have the chance, as they make it easy to approximate the amount of ganja left by simply squeezing the sides of the joint and measuring where the cannabis ends and the rolling tip begins. In fact, if the roller formulates a rolling tip long enough, he or she can eliminate the necessity for a roach. In essence, joints become capable of being smoked until the end without some self-induced inflaming injury occurring due to a dropped pass because the roach was hot. Nevertheless, after determining the joint to be short enough to qualify as a roach, simply start by positioning it inside the carb of a nearby bowl in a similar manner to the pictures above and below.

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Feb
13

Do Not Overfill the Bowl

"The utmost lacking feature of the smoking community is a written and understood set of guidelines to adhere to while participating in any circle. We compile these tips, tricks, techniques, rules, regulations, specifications, and guidelines into a category known as: Potetiquette, which is as the name implies: 'Pot' - 'Etiquette'. This category is meant to attempt to unify these instructions, so that every Stoner may start with a pre-conception of the underlying ideals in order to be able to augment them accordingly to their liking."
overfilled bowlz
Whenever I am in a smoke session with a couple of new friends, nothing makes me cringe more than to see someone overpack a bowl until there are fragments of bud spilling over the rim. While moderation and prudence might not be the most frequently attributed characteristic of Stoners, we should know when volumetrically enough is enough. I am not saying refrain from rolling another joint or packing another bowl. Rather, what I am calling for is the refusal of purposefully wasting ganja by overfilling bowls, clogging pieces, and creating bonfire size cherries that eventually explode from the top opening like Mount Vesuvius when somebody slightly tilts, hits, or passes a smoking device. Avoid what can be termed, "bowl obesity," because it just is not classy and it ruins a good thing. Imagine this fact, we have all been dry before, without a pinch of pot to spare. Maybe our area is out, we do not have the funds, or a dealer cannot be found, but in those moments we wish for our previous conservation. Yet, when we have a copious coffer of cheeba, we tend to waste marijuana by methods such as overfilling. I cannot dictate what you do with your stash, but it never hurt to save some ganja today, for a greener tomorrow.
overfilled bowl

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Feb
12

Grandpa Smoking Weed

"Why make a category for everything? The world lives on the brink of destruction, people are as apathetic as ever, and chronological whimsical forms of the structure are the things that are keeping us down. Fuck the system, Fuck the structure, and BY GOD here at Stoner Schematics we say FUCK Categories (...sometimes)."
Above is a snippet from season 1, episode 4 of Weed Wars, a series shown on the Discovery Channel between December 1st and December 22nd of 2011. In the video, Larry Savage, a recently retired Californian at the age of 65, attempts to use medicinal marijuana for the first time as a replacement for his host of pharmaceutical medicines for back pain, anxiety, rage, depression, and high blood pressure. As a typical retired American, Larry has two kids, four grand kids, and has been married for over 41 years; but, he turned to cannabis as an escape from mediocrity, as a rabbit hole to explore the world through the tunnels of a new perspective. While it takes him a bit to get a hang of lighting a bowl for the first time, somewhat like the opening scene in Planet of the Apes, he certainly begins to understand the benefits associated with smoking marijuana when it hits him. Fittingly, Larry finishes the interview by saying, "You're in a cast iron suit and now you've got to break out." Hopefully, we can all draw on Larry's words, which seem to sum up our own struggles with the Looking Glass self.
what to do when you are not stoned

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Feb
11

The Time Bomb

"This category is about something that everyone is doing... we are doing it, you are doing it, everyone is making their own Stoner Schematics. Wait! You might be asking yourself, what in the hell is this... Stoner Schematic? Well I am glad that you subconsciously reached into your head and spat out a question such as this for us. Stoner Schematics are Stoner's ('hence the name') Schematics (blueprints, instructions, whatever your vernacular...). It is what the Stoner creates, be it cannabutter, some crazy rolling technique, or even just a great way to blow smoke... that is a Stoner Schematic." --------> Got suggestions for schematics? E-mail Dignan
Time Bomb
Recently, the heavens opened up unto me to reveal this grand masterpiece submitted by Dubteeff, a regular user on the Trees subreddit, known as the Time Bomb. While its origins are uncertain at the moment, Dubteeff has been kind enough to present to us his method for preparing the Time Bomb. Appropriately named like something straight out of an H.G. Wells novel, this Stoner Schematic is bound to be an upcoming craze in smoking circles, dare I say, the next cross joint. To quote Saul Silver from Pineapple Express, "This is it, man. This is what your grandchildren are gonna be smoking." If you want to create one for yourself follow these steps to success; however, please stay cautious of retrocausality.

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