Mar
23

Vin “Sour” Diesel

“It is a widely accepted fact that cannabis (…and other great hallucinogens) have been linked numerous times to allowing people everywhere; from writers, to artists, and even amongst the most advent doodlers as being a smooth gateway to better and more insightful pieces of art. So take your brush of choice and blow some minds… this is Stoner Art.” ——–> Are you an artist? If so, send your pieces to Dignan

Vin Sour Diesel

After strolling up to the local gas station and procuring a couple of White Owl Cigarillos, one of my personal favorites when it comes to wraps, my friends and I proceeded to gut the cigars with a knife and replace the contents with cannabis. However, we first needed an expansive rolling surface, as emptying out a wrap can be messy, not to mention you do not want to lose any stray ganja during the replacement process. Recently, I had been ironically gifted a painting of Vin Diesel, so I figured it would make an appropriate assemblage. Upon slicing open the Cigarillo and dumping the innards upon the portrait, immediately, I was struck by the similarity of the tobacco to hair. Miraculously, a mundane visage of Vin Diesel magically transformed into a large-scale game of Wooly Willy, the children’s game that allows you to manipulate metal shavings resembling hair with a magnetic wand to create various combinations. While to some it may seem like a gimmick, this activity lead to at least 20 minutes of hilarious amusement, as we changed his facial hair and style continuously. Below are some examples of our fuzzy face frenzy. In short, this game shall be dubbed Vin “Sour” Diesel to commemorate the discovery in the context of rolling a blunt. Grab some paintings or photographs from your house and utilize your blunt guts or ganja to make your own funny photos, then send them to Stoner Schematics and we will host them alongside these Vin “Sour” Diesel pictures.

The Druglord

Vin Sour Diesel hair and mustache

Groucho Marx

Vin Sour Diesel eyebrows and mustache

Galifianakis Style

Vin Sour Diesel beard

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Feb
13

Do Not Overfill the Bowl

“The utmost lacking feature of the smoking community is a written and understood set of guidelines to adhere to while participating in any circle. We compile these tips, tricks, techniques, rules, regulations, specifications, and guidelines into a category known as: Potetiquette, which is as the name implies: ‘Pot’ – ‘Etiquette’. This category is meant to attempt to unify these instructions, so that every Stoner may start with a pre-conception of the underlying ideals in order to be able to augment them accordingly to their liking.”

overfilled bowlz

Whenever I am in a smoke session with a couple of new friends, nothing makes me cringe more than to see someone overpack a bowl until there are fragments of bud spilling over the rim. While moderation and prudence might not be the most frequently attributed characteristic of Stoners, we should know when volumetrically enough is enough. I am not saying refrain from rolling another joint or packing another bowl. Rather, what I am calling for is the refusal of purposefully wasting ganja by overfilling bowls, clogging pieces, and creating bonfire size cherries that eventually explode from the top opening like Mount Vesuvius when somebody slightly tilts, hits, or passes a smoking device. Avoid what can be termed, “bowl obesity,” because it just is not classy and it ruins a good thing. Imagine this fact, we have all been dry before, without a pinch of pot to spare. Maybe our area is out, we do not have the funds, or a dealer cannot be found, but in those moments we wish for our previous conservation. Yet, when we have a copious coffer of cheeba, we tend to waste marijuana by methods such as overfilling. I cannot dictate what you do with your stash, but it never hurt to save some ganja today, for a greener tomorrow.

overfilled bowl

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Feb
06

Celebrate Bob Marley’s Birthday

“Hippies and flower children of the 60’s would always describe one sick beat of any nature as being “Groovy” or “Far out”. We feel the same way. It doesn’t matter if it’s guitar, bass, violin, piano, ukulele, anything! This is the beats that intoxicate our brains, blow our minds, and really send us …well… Far out man.”
—-> Got suggestions for music? E-mail Dignan

Bob Marley Birthday

On May 11th, 1981, Bob Marley fell a fatal victim to melanoma of the toe, because his Rastafarian beliefs prohibited him from being buried an incomplete person. Born on February 6th, 1945, Bob Marley would have been 69 years old today, but even though he is gone his legacy still thrives through his songs, philosophy, and the emotional impact he played in radically changing the face of politics in an effort to preserve and promote peace. The father of Reggae, the burner of ganja, and the leader of a counter-culture movement, Bob Marley stands today as a prominent figure in the Stoner culture, where he represents, in an Obi-Wan Kenobi fashion, tranquility, Stoicism, and the ability to maintain an expressive and vehement free spirit. Among other decorations he achieved during his lifetime, Bob Marley has been immortalized in a variety of ways including being awarded the Jamaican Order of Merit in 1981, being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in March of 1994, and receiving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in February of 2001. Today, the posthumously published album, Legend, enjoys the most album sales out of any other record with over 14 million copies sold worldwide, receiving outstanding reception as one of the most prolific pieces of music ever recorded. If you would like to learn more about Bob Marley, the man, the legend, the divine, then check out the following video entitled “Caribbean Nights,” as it covers the evolution of Bob Marley and the Wailers into the sensation that they were.

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Jul
26

“That 70’s Show” Girls

“High Times founded the Miss High Times contest, which synchronized women and weed to create a Stoner fueled fantasy without so much pageantry, and much more marijuana. This ingenious blend of natural occurrence surpasses the regular, monotonous, egocentric concept of beauty in exchange for a harmony between Girls and Grass. Therefore, this category will attempt to showcase that glorious union.”

Donna Pinciotti

Jackie Burkhardt

seductive Laurie Forman

Today at Stoner Schematics, we unveil a new, long-time-coming category called Girls and Grass. This new category will be a testament and ode to the women who thought it a great idea to take a photograph of themselves alongside some of the sticky icky, pot that is. Now some people may take this notion as some androcentric, misogynistic, patriarchal attempt to display the female body in a loose-leaf association with ganja, but I believe the entities in question are enhancing their beauty by accenting their features with exquisite and delectable buds rather than polluting it. What better place to start, than the girls from “That 70’s Show,” as we all know they are most definitely toking. Instead of me rambling on about Donna’s lovable hometown appeal, Jackie’s smooth refined features, and Laurie’s ability to attract anyone of the male sex, today we are going to do something different. Above, I have posted some pictures of the girls in question, and what I want you to do is to vote for who is the best “That 70’s Show” Girl.

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Feb
06

Happy Birthday Bob Marley

“Hippies and flower children of the 60’s would always describe one sick beat of any nature as being “Groovy” or “Far out”. We feel the same way. It doesn’t matter if it’s guitar, bass, violin, piano, ukulele, anything! This is the beats that intoxicate our brains, blow our minds, and really send us …well… Far out man.”
—-> Got suggestions for music? E-mail Dignan

Bob Marley cupcakes

Bob Marley, born on February 6th 1945, would have been 67 years of age today in 2012 if he did not fall to illness from a Melanoma infected toe in May of 1981. Regardless, his legacy lives through stoners who toke up in his name on days such as this. Personally, I could not imagine my evolution into the stoner culture without being introduced to some reggae and Bob Marley. His achievements included Band of the Year in 1976 by Rolling Stone Magazine, a Peace Medal of the Third World from the United Nations in 1978, a Jamaican Order of Merit in 1981, and posthumously he was awarded the Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award. Bob Marley was a testament to our culture, he stood for ganja, accepting it as a spiritual and essential part of his life, while spreading the idea that stoners are not attached to some apathetic stigma. Bob Marley brought people together when he was alive, and he continues to follow the same pursuit in death. We miss you Bob Marley, and I recommend we all toke up in his memory. Go out today, share some weed with a friend in need, and spread the word about Bob Marley. In short, stir it up.

Bob Marley cake

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